Saturday, December 26, 2009

Crockpot Cooking…

Or trying to. I purchased a small crockpot, hoping to capitalize on some nice recipes. However, I bought the crockpot  prior to purchasing stuff to actually make those recipes with. This resulted in some nifty bachelor logic that justified the concoction currently brewing in my kitchen.

1 can cream of chicken. 1 can whole potatoes. 1 can navy beans.

My belief was: None of those require intense heat (E.g. I won’t give myself food poisoning), and they all seem like they would go well together.

They’ve been in the pot for about two-hours, and I figure I’ll let them sit there on high for at least another two. In the interim, internet research has led to the following conclusions:

1. The potatoes will have been waaaaay overdone and will probably resemble mush.

2. The same with the beans.

3. Cream of chicken =/= Chicken broth.


I’m just hoping that should the worst case scenario occur, that my sink can handle all that yellowy sludge simmering beneath the plastic lid.

Friday, December 25, 2009

New Years…

Is a ways off. However, I have always found that if you are serious about fulfilling “New Years Resolutions” (NYR), its best to start a few days in advance to work out the bugs and get into a routine.

Here are some of my goals for next semester, in order -

Bump my grades up a little.

Tack back on ten pounds of muscle that have been lost.

Get a job. (Still seeking… I must be well over a hundred applications by  now).

Land a new chick.

And here are the detailed plans for each:

#1, Grades:  Buy differentiated notebooks for each class, purchase a white-board to keep track of tests and exams (lost the one I used sophomore year). Attend class (some things are harder to do than others).

#2, Bodybuilding: Get my diet back on track, solve the various medical aliments that have cropped up this semester (hernia etc.). Establish a gym routine (probably just Starting Strength).

#3, Job: I suppose I’ll just keep plugging away on this one.

#4, Chick: This one is usually contingent on #2 and #3… If both of those fall through, it wont be worth the effort. Seriously, sex is wonderful, but (nice)guys tend to let women destroy their lives.

Happy Christmas. Merry Holidays.

Friday, December 18, 2009

My Descent Into Alcoholism…

Sorry, I still wouldn’t categorize myself as such. Although today, or rather, yesterday at precisely 5:30 pm I and several friends began chugging. Four movies later, and we’re still drinking. In fact, we may continue to drink until the party tonight. The problem  is beer.

At this particular stage in our lives, it is nigh impossible to get “to” drunk off of beer. And I would like to dedicate this post to broke college students everywhere, who in their youthful hubris, make the mistake of thinking a couple of cases will negate the need for hard liquor.

Let us prove once and for all (via questionable assumptions, and using today/tonight as an example), that you should never leave the tequila on the shelf at the store.

One handle of Jack: Thirty-five dollars. Split between four guys, and consumed within a reasonable time period (two-three hours), will leave us with liquor left over, and four passed out guests. But did we take that simple route? No.

Instead, TEN HOURS, three and a half cases of beer, cigarettes, B-movies, and Mcdonalds… have left us with nothing more than churning stomachs, crystal clear urine, headaches, and a general feeling of sickness.

An average of 2 beers an hour is simply not enough. Even doing our particular version of the simpson’s movie drinking game (Drink: Every time you see homer, any time there is a scene change involving homer, anytime homer is on the screen for more than fifteen seconds) at the start of the night, where beers disappear at shot-gunning speeds… it just wasn’t enough.

One of these days we will realize: you simply cannot substitute beer for liquor (but you can substitute ghetto-wine).

I assure you, our livers look forward to that day.